Bee Quammie on Preserving and Cultivating Caribbean Culture in Motherhood
Plus, her favorite Canadian spots, recent reads and what's new at Raising Mothers & Literary Liberation!
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The beauty of culture is that it’s a living thing. You nurture it and watch it grow and evolve, but you risk losing it if it isn’t tended to. The practice of caring for culture is something that I‘ve thought about with renewed energy since becoming a mother, wondering how my children would engage with Canadian culture and how they would retain their Caribbean heritage too. I know the latter part is particularly my responsibility, and I think I’ve been doing a good job thus far.
We talk a certain way, we laugh a certain way, we eat and dance and love a certain way.
I’d wager to say that my relationship with culture is very different from my children’s. I grew up in a very white city in southwestern Ontario, so there were a lot of overt and covert messages that told me I didn’t belong. I clung to my Jamaican roots as an act of defiance, because that’s where I felt most like myself. Within my family and the other Jamaican and Caribbean families we knew, I felt loved, wanted, valued, and like I was part of something instead of always feeling like an outsider. Now, my daughters are growing up in a much more diverse neighbourhood than I did, so they get to explore all aspects of their culture in wider community, not just family. They’re understanding so much about themselves and their places in the world, and they inspire me with the ways they’re embracing culture and making it their own. They’re growing up believing that they belong anywhere they find themselves, and that is markedly different from how I saw myself in my childhood and adolescence.
In my upbringing, I was grounded in my Jamaican culture. I hope my Jamaican-Vincentian-Canadian babies feel grounded in the culture of their heritage as well, because being geographically distanced from their grandparents’ islands of origin make it all the more urgent. I can’t imagine my children having children of their own, and those babies not knowing what cornmeal porridge is, unable to recognize the beauty in playing mas, or unwilling to let their hips sway to reggae and soca. I’m not sure how it’s landing for my daughters, but my hope is that they know that they come from beautiful people, beautiful history, and a beautiful place. We talk a certain way, we laugh a certain way, we eat and dance and love a certain way. My daughters acknowledge all of the places that came together to make them who they are, and I just hope that they never forget them.
How would you describe your relationship with your kids?
I’d describe it as one rooted in respect, and actually liking and loving each other. I never want my daughters to obey me out of fearing me, I want them to do so because they respect me. Fear is a short-term tool that loses its power when kids stop being afraid – so it’s useless to me. We play together, we apologize to each other, and we affirm each other, and life isn’t perfect, especially navigating single motherhood, but I am cultivating a relationship with them that lets them know I am a safe space, a mom who wants the best for them, and a mom who expects them to give their best in life as well.
How would your kid describe it?
I asked them!
Zuri (almost 7yo) said: she respects us and we respect her; she’s kind; if I want a smoothie or a snack and she has to pay for it, she would get it for me even if she didn’t have to.
Layla (10yo) said: She’s really nice to me and she’s strict when she needs to be; it’s really healthy; I love having her as a mom and wouldn’t wish for anyone else as my mom.
What’s inside your bag?
My keys, phone, 2 portable chargers, my wallet, a ton of lip glosses, hand sanitizer, N95 masks, lotion, and perfume. I also always have a small notebook or notepad and a few pens, and usually a water bottle and some snacks. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready!
What are your favorite recent reads?
How To Say Babylon by Safiya Sinclair: Sinclair is from Montego Bay and so is my paternal family, so I was excited to read her memoir. I didn’t grow up in Jamaica but her writing automatically transports me there until I can almost smell, hear, and taste the island. In an alternate universe, there’s a version of me that grew up in Mo’ Bay, and HTSB feels like a glimpse into who that me might have been.
Black Women Writers At Work edited by Claudia Tate: This book has been a balm and a guide for me as I’ve moved through my career as a Black woman writer. When I’m confused or stuck or just feel lonely in front of my laptop, I crack it open. It’s a wonderful source of inspiration and motivation, and it reminds me that I may do this work alone, but I don’t really do this work alone.
What are your favorite places to hang out in your city?
Any soca fete
My Pilates studio
Island Mix or Sugarkane for good eating
Anywhere along the waterfront
Favourite quote: “The person that was in me that I liked best was the one my children seemed to want.” - Toni Morrison
My 3 current favourite songs: TGIF x Glorilla, Inspiration Information x Shuggie Otis, Tune In x Sugar Minott and Bounty Killer
What I’m looking forward to: The release of my book The Book of Possibilities (coming in 2025), getting my Pilates instructor certification, and moving out of my condo into a house so my daughters have a backyard to run around in.
Bee Quammie is a Jamaican-Canadian multimedia storyteller: a writer, radio host, TV personality, and public speaker. Quammie regularly writes and speaks on topics like race and culture, parenting, mental health, pop culture, and more, and her debut book, The Book of Possibilities, will be published by Penguin Canada in 2025. Bee resides in the GTA with her two daughters.
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